Dealing With Mom's Stroke: My Depression And Her Recovery

Experiencing a stroke can be a life-altering event, and it is understandable that you are concerned about your mother's well-being. It is common for stroke survivors to experience depression due to biochemical changes in the brain, leading to difficulty in feeling positive emotions. This can manifest as a persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood, along with restlessness, irritability, and feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness. The road to recovery can be challenging, and it is crucial to seek professional help if these feelings persist or are accompanied by thoughts of self-harm.

Your mother may benefit from speaking with a psychologist or psychiatrist, as treating depression can improve her mood and boost her physical, cognitive, and intellectual recovery. Social support is also crucial, and you can provide emotional support by listening to her and spending time with her. Encourage her to seek help and let her know that you are there for her. It is important to be patient and understanding as she navigates the challenges of recovering from a stroke.

How to identify post-stroke depression in your mother

Post-stroke depression is a common experience for stroke survivors, affecting about a third of stroke survivors at any one time. It is often caused by biochemical changes in the brain, and can be identified by the following symptoms:

• Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood
• Restlessness and irritability
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, worthlessness or helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities, including sex
• Decreased energy and fatigue, and feeling "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering and making decisions
• Insomnia, early-morning awakening or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight changes
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

If your mother is experiencing any of these symptoms, it is important to seek help from a healthcare professional. Treatment for post-stroke depression may include psychotherapy, antidepressants, or non-pharmacological approaches such as physical activity, non-invasive brain stimulation, and acupuncture.

In addition to these symptoms, there are several risk factors that may increase the likelihood of your mother developing post-stroke depression, including:

• Increasing stroke severity
• Functional dependence
• Presence of cognitive impairment
• History of previous depression
• Communication deficits
• Social isolation

How to communicate your feelings to your mother

Experiencing feelings of sadness and depression after a stroke is very common. It's important to communicate your feelings to your mother and there are several ways to go about doing this.

Firstly, it's crucial to be gentle and empathetic when approaching this topic. Your mother may be feeling a range of emotions and it can be difficult for her to express them. Choose a calm moment when you can speak privately and allow her to share her thoughts and feelings without interruption.

You could begin by asking open-ended questions to encourage her to open up. For example, "How have you been feeling lately?" or "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" This gives her the opportunity to share whatever is on her mind, including any concerns or struggles she may be facing.

During your conversation, actively listen to what your mother is saying. Show that you hear and understand her by paraphrasing what she says and reflecting her emotions. For instance, you could say something like, "It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed and struggling to adjust. I'm here for you and want to support you in any way I can."

It's also important to validate her feelings and let her know that it's normal to experience a range of emotions after a stroke. You can share that many people go through similar experiences and that it doesn't mean she is weak or hopeless. Encourage her to seek professional help if needed, such as therapy or support groups, and offer to accompany her if she wishes.

Additionally, you can suggest activities that may help improve her mood and overall well-being. These could include going for walks together, engaging in light exercises, listening to music, or participating in hobbies she used to enjoy.

Remember to be patient and understanding throughout this process. Recovery from a stroke takes time, and it's important to respect your mother's pace. Reassure her of your love and support, and continue to check in with her regularly to see how she's doing.

If you are also experiencing feelings of depression due to the situation, it's important to take care of your own mental health as well. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor, and make sure to practice self-care. By taking care of yourself, you'll be in a better position to support your mother.

How to seek support for your mother's recovery

• Talk to your mother: Ask her how she's feeling and if there's anything you can do to help. It's important to acknowledge her feelings and let her know that you're there for her.
• Encourage her to seek professional help: If your mother is experiencing depression or anxiety, encourage her to talk to her doctor, a stroke nurse, or a mental health specialist. They can help her find the right treatment and support.
• Offer practical help: Help your mother with everyday tasks, such as preparing meals, getting dressed, or going for walks. This can take some of the burden off her and show her that you're there to support her.
• Connect with other caregivers: Join a support group for caregivers of stroke survivors, or seek advice from other caregivers online. They can provide valuable insights and support.
• Encourage social activities: Encourage your mother to stay connected with friends and family, as social support is crucial for recovery. Even if she's feeling disinterested, gently encourage her to participate in social activities, such as meeting friends or joining a stroke support group.
• Focus on small goals: Help your mother set small, achievable goals to work towards. This can give her a sense of purpose and motivation. For example, you could encourage her to take a short walk every day or try a new hobby.
• Promote physical activity: Encourage your mother to stay active, as physical activity can improve her mood and aid in her recovery. This could include walking, chair-based exercises, or physiotherapy exercises.
• Explore talking therapies: Talking therapies, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), can be effective in managing emotions and improving mood. Your mother's stroke team or GP may be able to refer her to a suitable therapist.
• Consider medication: In some cases, medication such as antidepressants may be helpful in treating emotionalism, depression, or anxiety. However, it's important to consult a doctor before starting any medication.
• Practice self-care: Remember to take care of yourself as well. Caregiving can be emotionally and physically demanding, so make sure to set aside time for your own self-care and seek support if needed.

How to create a safe home environment for your mother

It is completely understandable that you are feeling depressed about your mother's stroke. It is important to take care of yourself, too, and seeking support from friends, family, or a support group can be beneficial.

General Safety Measures

• Install smoke alarms inside each bedroom and in hallways outside bedrooms.
• Install carbon monoxide detectors at every level of the home and near sleeping areas.
• Place non-skid mats in the bathroom and tub to prevent slipping.
• Store all medications and hazardous materials, such as cleaning supplies, in their original containers and out of reach.
• Keep walkways and stairs clear of clutter and debris.
• Install handrails on both sides of the stairs.
• Ensure that lighting in hallways and on stairs is adequate.
• Remove or secure rugs and carpeting to reduce the risk of falls.
• Keep furniture in good repair and securely placed.
• Keep windows closed and locked when unsupervised, especially if your mother is at risk of falling.
• If there is a fireplace, wood-burning stove, or other heat source, place barriers around it to prevent accidental burns.
• Regularly inspect and clean chimneys and stovepipes.
• Know where the gas, electricity, and water cut-off valves are located in case of an emergency.
• Keep a working fire extinguisher in the kitchen.
• Check electrical cords for any damage, such as cracks or fraying.
• Ensure outlets and extension cords are not overloaded.
• Avoid using space heaters if possible. If necessary, keep them away from flammable objects and turn them off when leaving the room.
• Install bright lighting throughout the house, especially in stairways and hallways.
• Keep emergency numbers, such as those for medical services and close contacts, easily accessible, such as on speed dial or posted on the refrigerator or near the phone.

Fall Prevention

• Install grab bars in the bathroom near the toilet, bath, and shower.
• Ensure that your mother can move safely in the bathroom and in and out of the tub or shower.
• Place a lamp and telephone within reach of the bed.
• Keep stairs and banisters in good repair.
• Install non-slip mats and grab bars in showers and tubs.
• If your mother requires a walker or wheelchair, ensure that there is enough space for them to manoeuvre easily throughout the house.

Emotional Wellbeing

• Create a calm and relaxing environment by reducing stress triggers.
• Encourage social connections and support your mother's relationships with friends and family.
• Foster a sense of independence by encouraging your mother to do things on their own, such as light household tasks or self-care activities.
• Help your mother stay active, even if it's just a short walk or light gardening.
• Encourage your mother to express their feelings and provide a listening ear.
• Provide opportunities for your mother to engage in enjoyable activities and hobbies.
• If your mother is experiencing depression or anxiety, consider seeking professional help, such as therapy or medication, to support their mental health.

How to help your mother regain her independence

It can be difficult to see a parent go through a stroke, and it is completely understandable that you would want to help them regain their independence. Here are some ways in which you can help your mother:

• Encourage her to do things: Offer her help to do things, but do not push too hard as fatigue is common after a stroke. Encourage her to do small tasks such as eating, washing her face, etc. Praise her for her efforts and let her know how much her small efforts help you.
• Look out for signs of depression: It is common for stroke survivors to experience depression. If your mother is exhibiting symptoms such as a persistent sad, anxious or "empty" mood, restlessness, irritability, feelings of hopelessness or pessimism, loss of interest in hobbies and activities, decreased energy, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, appetite and/or weight changes, and thoughts of death or suicide, it is important to seek help from a healthcare professional. Treatment for depression is important as it can make the rehabilitation process more challenging for survivors.
• Provide emotional support: Social support is crucial for stroke survivors. Be there for your mother and encourage her to seek help if needed.
• Encourage her to connect with others: Your mother may benefit from joining a support group where she can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. This can help her feel less isolated and provide her with a sense of community.
• Help her stay active: Encourage your mother to engage in physical activity, even if it is just a short walk or some chair-based exercises. Physical activity can help improve her mood and overall well-being.
• Encourage her to express her feelings: Communication problems may make it difficult for your mother to express her feelings. However, it is important that she has an outlet to express her emotions. Suggest writing in a journal, making a video diary, or expressing herself through art, music, photography, or poetry.
• Support her independence: While it is natural to want to do as much as possible for your mother, it is important to support her independence and encourage her to do things on her own. Help her set small, achievable goals and provide encouragement along the way.
• Be patient: Recovering from a stroke takes time, and it is important to be patient with your mother's progress. Remember that she is adjusting to a new normal and may need extra time to adapt.

Frequently asked questions