Stroke's Sadness: Should I Share My Feelings With Mom?

It can be difficult to know how to support a parent after they've had a stroke. Their behaviour might change, and they might lose interest in things they used to enjoy. It's common to experience a loss of appetite after a stroke, and they might refuse to eat. They might also suffer from post-stroke depression, which can significantly affect their recovery and rehabilitation. It's important to be aware of the signs of depression and seek help from a healthcare professional if you think your parent might be depressed.

How to cope with feelings of sadness after a parent's stroke

Experiencing feelings of sadness after a parent's stroke is completely normal, and it's important to know that your emotions are valid. Here are some ways to cope with these feelings:

Understand that your emotions will fluctuate

It is common to go through a range of emotions, such as shock, anger, guilt, sadness, and eventually, acceptance. You may not experience these stages in a particular order, and it's okay to feel a mix of emotions at any given time.

Allow yourself to grieve

Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and take the time to process them. Pushing them away can lead to unresolved grief, so it's important to face them head-on. Carve out specific times to grieve and be kind to yourself during these moments.

Seek support

Lean on your loved ones, such as family and friends, to provide you with comfort and companionship. Consider joining a support group to connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. If you feel comfortable, you can also confide in your boss and close co-workers, so they can offer you additional support and understanding.

Prioritize self-care

Taking care of yourself is crucial during this difficult time. Ensure you're getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and staying active to help boost your mood and energy levels. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as working out, travelling, or pursuing hobbies, can also make a significant difference in your overall well-being.

Ask for and accept help

Don't be afraid to ask for help and let others support you. Whether it's with funeral arrangements, daily tasks, or simply having someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to your support network.

Find meaningful ways to remember your parent

Engage in activities that help you feel close to your parent. This could include cooking their favourite meal, writing them letters, or celebrating their birthday. These acts can provide comfort and help you work through your emotions.

Be prepared for emotions to resurface

It's important to know that grief doesn't always go away, and it's normal to have difficult moments, especially during significant dates or holidays. Be gentle with yourself and understand that healing takes time.

Seek professional help if needed

If you find that your grief isn't improving over time or it's significantly impacting your daily life, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can provide you with additional tools and support to manage your grief and navigate the complex emotions that come with it.

How to help a parent recover from a stroke

Seeing a parent go through a stroke can be difficult, and it is natural to feel sad about the changes in their health and behaviour. Here are some ways to help your parent recover from a stroke:

• Be patient and give it time: Recovery from a stroke can be a long process, and it is important to be patient and give your parent time to heal. Even after a few months, they may still be dealing with the after-effects of the stroke, such as fatigue and depression.
• Encourage and support: Keep encouraging your parent and offering help, but be mindful not to push too hard. Try to maintain a positive and cheerful attitude, and provide encouragement for them to do small tasks, like eating or washing.
• Look out for depression: It is common for stroke patients to experience depression, so be vigilant for any signs and get them evaluated for it if necessary. Antidepressants may be helpful, and you can discuss this option with their doctor.
• Provide mental stimulation: Engage your parent's mind by playing music they like, especially songs they can hum or sing along to. This can be an enjoyable activity for both of you and may help lift their mood.
• Consider support groups: Joining a support group can be beneficial, as it provides an opportunity to connect with others going through similar experiences. This can help you feel less isolated and provide a space to share your feelings and gain support.
• Focus on their well-being: Prioritize your parent's health and create a structured daily routine that includes healthy meals, regular exercise, and sufficient rest. This will not only benefit them but also set a good example for any children or grandchildren who may be affected by the situation.
• Seek professional help: If your parent is open to it, consider family counselling or therapy. This can provide a safe and guided space to work through any complex emotions and help your family heal together.

Remember, recovery from a stroke can be a challenging journey, and it is important to take care of yourself as well. Reach out to your support network and seek help if needed.

How to communicate with a parent after a stroke

Communication is an integral part of maintaining a healthy relationship with your parents, especially after they have suffered a stroke. Here are some tips to help you communicate effectively with your parent after their stroke:

• Be respectful and warm: Always be respectful and warm in your communication with your parent. Use simple and clear language that they can easily understand, and avoid any professional jargon that may be confusing or intimidating.
• Listen actively: Listening is a critical element of effective communication. Give your parent your undivided attention when they are speaking, and try to understand their perspective, even if you disagree. Let them finish their thoughts before responding, and use open-ended questions to encourage them to share more.
• Show empathy: Try to understand the emotions behind your parent's words. Check in with them to see if they are feeling upset, concerned, or distressed. Acknowledging and validating their feelings can help build trust and encourage open communication.
• Adhere to a problem-solving approach: If your parent raises concerns or faces challenges in their recovery, work together with them to identify and address these issues. Brainstorm possible solutions, evaluate their pros and cons, and decide on a course of action that you can implement together.
• Stay positive: Maintaining a positive attitude is crucial when communicating with your parent after their stroke. Focus on the progress they are making and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Encourage and motivate them, but also be mindful of their limitations and avoid pushing them too hard.
• Keep the lines of communication open: Make time for regular conversations with your parent, even if it's just about everyday topics. This helps to build a strong bond and makes it easier to discuss more serious issues when they arise. Choose an appropriate time and place for deeper conversations, ensuring privacy and minimal distractions.
• Be mindful of their feelings: Your parent may be experiencing a range of emotions after their stroke, including sadness, confusion, anger, or depression. Let them know that you are there for them and that it's okay to express their feelings. Offer a listening ear and provide comfort and support without judgment.
• Seek professional help if needed: If your parent is struggling with depression or other mental health issues after their stroke, consider seeking professional help. Encourage them to speak with their doctor or a therapist, who can provide specialised support and guidance.

Remember, effective communication is a two-way process. Be patient, flexible, and adaptable in your interactions with your parent, and always approach your conversations with empathy and understanding.

How to manage the financial burden of a parent's stroke care

It is understandable that you feel sad about your mother's stroke and the changes it has brought about in her life and yours. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this, and many people have gone through similar experiences.

Now, onto the financial aspect of stroke care, which can be a significant burden. Here are some ways to manage the financial stress and burden of a parent's stroke care:

• Prioritize essential expenses and cut down on discretionary spending: Focus on what you can control and look for areas where you can reduce spending. For example, compare prices on different brands when grocery shopping or consider buying store brands instead of name brands.
• Increase your income: This could involve working extra hours, negotiating for a raise, or taking on a side gig. You could also sell items you no longer need or offer products and services for extra income.
• Create a budget and stick to it: Identify all your sources of income and expenses, including occasional costs like gifts, vacations, etc. Reorganize your debts by listing them along with their amounts and interest rates. Then focus on paying off the debt with the highest interest rate or consider debt consolidation to accelerate debt repayment.
• Lower your expenses: Review your telecommunication packages and other subscriptions to ensure they meet your needs without any unnecessary add-ons. Start making a food budget, pack your own lunch, and limit eating out.
• Avoid taking on more debt: Live within your means and refrain from impulse purchases. Consider buying used items, borrowing, or renting instead of buying new.
• Tap into your emergency fund: If necessary, use your emergency fund to cover unexpected costs related to your parent's stroke care. Just be sure to replenish it when possible so that you're prepared for future emergencies.
• Be realistic and patient: Understand that resolving financial problems takes time. Set realistic goals to stay motivated and reduce financial stress.

Remember, you don't have to figure this out alone. Reach out to a financial advisor or a trusted friend or relative for advice and support.

How to find support groups for caregivers of stroke survivors

It can be emotionally challenging to care for a loved one who has had a stroke. Support groups can be a great way to connect with others in similar situations and receive support and feedback. Here are some tips on how to find support groups for caregivers of stroke survivors:

• Reach out to local organisations: Contact your local Mental Health America affiliate or similar organisations to inquire about support groups in your area. They often have resources and information about local support groups.
• Online support groups: If there are no local support groups available, consider online options. Many organisations now offer online support groups, discussion boards, blogs, and communities. These can be a great way to connect with others without the restriction of location.
• Specialised support groups: Look for support groups that cater specifically to caregivers of stroke survivors. For example, the Stroke Association or similar organisations in your country may have support groups or resources for caregivers.
• Peer-led or professionally-led: Support groups can be peer-led, where members share their experiences and offer support to each other. Alternatively, some groups are led by mental health professionals who facilitate discussions and provide guidance. Both types of groups can be beneficial, offering different perspectives and levels of expertise.
• Try different groups: Don't be discouraged if the first support group you find doesn't feel like the right fit. It's important to feel comfortable and connected with the group you choose. You may need to try out a few before finding the one that suits your needs and preferences.
• Therapy groups: Therapy groups are typically led by one or more therapists and can be beneficial for processing experiences and learning from others. These groups often focus on specific issues such as caregiving, grief, or physical illnesses.
• Connect with other caregivers: Reach out to other caregivers, whether through online forums, social media groups, or local community events. They may be able to recommend support groups or provide advice and emotional support.

Remember, it's okay to seek help and support for yourself while caring for a stroke survivor. Finding a support group can provide you with a community of people who understand your challenges and can offer valuable insights and encouragement.

Frequently asked questions